I was put here to be someone, to make everyday something to remember. I am not average, I am not typical, I am not boring. I came to win, survive, prosper, survive, rise, win..... I love with everything I have been given and will never regret my choices. My life is filled with people who want to be near me and accept me for who I am and what I stand for. I stand on tables when I am strong, fall to my knees when I need to be lifted up.. But I will never give up, I will never give in.. My soul is filled with a fearless strength and endless possibilities.. I have found love and I never want to let it go, I will fight for it everyday for the rest of my life...
Swirls of dust in the air just cant seem to settle as people tramble along the well worn paths of the fair park in the warm late summer breeze.. Smells of pigs & chickens fill your nose as you first approach the grounds to start your adventure to see just what came to town this year... Cows, Goats, & Geese are among the animals you get to not only see, but unpleasantly smell, and possibly even touch..
Morgan and I spent a wonderful evening getting our fix of some good ole state provided fun this past week.. We drank good beer, avoided the creepy carneys, ate delish food, and rode a few rides... This was a great time that I fully enjoyed.. I look forward to going to the Utah State County Fair every year and I was so hapy for the priledge to take Miss Morgan to her very first one!! What a day to remember :)
Time just keeps on ticking..... That's the sound I used to hear daily as I waited so impatiently for the day to end so I could escape the path of adulthood and leave to regain my childish play. Those days were dreadful as I made them seem at least, but in all reality they were nothing close to that, infect they were just the opposite..
I found myself on a path to a career I didn't actually believe was possible, I had only dreamed of such a life that I hadn't even realized I had begun.. I was learning and growing in ways I didn't even fathom possible.. I was being shown the ropes of the industry and paving a path to point me in the direction I had thought to be deceitful and shady like the phase "we hustle people for their hopes and dreams".. That was far from what I wanted, or at least I had though.. Life lead me in a direction that was scary and hard and many tears have been shed over it, but now I stand in an office I can call my own. A door with my name on it. A staff who looks to me for direction. I am the tie that holds every unit of the company together, and I built it on my own.. Granted I was given the tools and people to get the ball rolling.. But I did it, bit and piece at a time I did it.. I feel so accomplished and proud of myself because for the first time in my life I know that what I am doing is right and that I can be who I want to be and make everything work.. My life's journey has lead me here, as well as some amazing souls who despite flaws in ethics they gave me this knowledge to do this. There are two women in this industry that with out them and their resilience and effort I would not stand where I do today.. So thank you ladies I will never forget either of you..
My life is filled with joy and bliss of all that surrounds me, my only sadness is the lack of your presence to enjoy this with...
My Sunday evening has finally rolled in after a long few days of one big emotional roller coaster in my life.. I laughed, cried, learned, and followed.. I watched a lot of football as the season continues to bustle along. I spent time with my best friend and got to show her what my life was like not so long ago.. In fact it felt wonderful to be there again, to just enjoy my surroundings and not giving a care in the world because I was surrounded by the people who appeared to be loved ones.. It was fantastically exhausting and well worth it!
Till I came back into realization and knew just how cruel the world can be.. Heart break and tears haunt the lives of those you seek love in all the wrong ways..
Life should be summed up by how many times we laughed and learned and not by the trials we suffer, those should be learned from but let the pain go and enjoy the little things, such as a good glass of red wine and a good football game with the one who does care...
The sound of the can cracking open and the fizz of the fresh beer bubbling inside, icey cold to the taste... The doorbell rings as the hot pizza arives ready to be devoured by the hungry fans waiting on the couch for the coin toss to begin....
Its the season opening day of NFL football... It has been long awaited for this day, considering the summer was spent in anticaption of wondering if this day would even happen with all of the hussle and bussle of contracts in the league.. But it came, opening day is here..
Faith is knowing that when you expect something to happen it will.. Having your faith crushed and being let down with the fact that it didnt happen is one of the worst feelings in the world. It brings you down and makes you wish that you had never had that expectations for it to begin with.
I know this feeling and I know it well.. Maybe its because of the choices I have made in my lifes path that has lead me to encounter this on a regular basis.. I believe in giving people the opportunity to prove their worth and value, but the bad part about that is once they break that I continue to give them more chances without them ever proving that they can be a better person and live up to what they said they were. It rips me down over and over again because I dont like to hurt people and I dont like to make them unhappy so I am the one who feels the punishment for it over and over again. People should treat all others with the respect they want to feel and no one wants the feeling of being made out to be worthless in anothers eyes....
Maybe the saying is right... And I just cant see who I am....
Her warm brown hair is gently tosseled all around her face with soft colorful feathers exposed against her next as she stands with the light of the sun setting around her making her look as if she is almost glowing.. She can usually be spotted in relaxed sun dress that forms perfectly around her delicate body with her boots all shined up and ready for the next big adventure awaiting her...
I met her when she was just a girl and have had the privileged of watching her grow into a beautiful strong willed woman. She is a go getter and does not let anyone push her around either. The strength that she poses comes from a long life of having to prove she is just as tough as the guys and can keep out or even out do anything someone challenges her to. But she is still daddy's little girl, with a gentle touch and a hint of girlishness but in the best way possible because it add to her in such a way that no man can resist. She is the girl that will walk into your life for a brief moment to take your breathe away and leave you with memories that will last you a life time just because of her smile... A smile that can calm you to let you know everything is going to be ok when it seems so wrong... A smile that brings a laugh that makes your soul fill with a joy that can give you a bubbly feeling for the rest of the day which matches right along with her sense of humor, one that if you do not understand you will not last long but if you do she becomes comparable to a Jim Carey or Adam Sandler movie. Her laughter I could go on for days about because it is that amazing...
She is like a sister to me and I love her dearly... She is a one of a kind spirit you would be so lucky to know..
I will forever and always hold a special place in my heart for the avenues of Salt Lake City.. I spent a year of my life living in among the tree huggers & the coffee enthusiast watching the city grow from a secluded distance but still within a hop, skip, and a jump from the center of the buzzing city life.
I shared a beautiful 1920's home with several different girls, each from a very different path of life to say the least. The home had been converted into a tri-plex and we were the proud renters of the biggest part of the house. It was a three bed, two bath shelter that I called home. I was on the main level with my own bathroom (Very nice to say the least) while the other two rooms were in the basement. If the walls could talk in that home it would share stories like you would never believe......
I original started to live there with two medical studying girls from the UofU both named Jessica. I had previously know Jess Smith from Greek row, and she knew Jessica Forbes from previous parties. Our living situation only lasted a few weeks before all hell broke lose and Miss Forbes ended up vacating the premises and not on good terms by no means. But now those vendettas are settled thankfully!!
Then moved in the infamous Ryly Larrinaga, her and I had also began a friendship on Greek row that I would have assumed at the time to have lasted me a life time. But from what I have learned you should never live with a best friend because it is not going to end well to say the least. Ryly, Jess, and myself lived together in harmony (For the most part at least) for a good portion of the lease and then Jess slowly found herself no longer wanting to live there. But thankfully my best friend Morgan Kuhn needed a new start and some place to begin that so she became my fourth and final roommate.
As the seasons changed so did my friends and family as well as my life style. I partied hard with the frat guys, took to the nightly bar scene, was homely and never wanted to leave, adventured all over and attempted to be a walker (Ha that one was very short lived) dated many different men, mostly older ones that understood how to treat a woman, dated a bar tender for a brief moment who was covered in tats, (That was a life long goal I was able to check off) I owned a cat who's name was Gemma off of Sons of Anarchy and Morgan adopted a cat as well and named it Jax, (We were attempting to start our own show here) changed my look and attempted to become a preppy girly, changed it again to be more of a skater, and changed it yet again to be more earthy, I got BANGS for the first time in years and went back to being a red head, (My personal fave) got a new tattoo! sold my Lancer and purchased a shiny new caddy! and now here I am leaving it all behind and starting again with a whole new chapter of my life.
I will never forget what I have learned from living in that vintage home. It saw me cry, laugh, scream, and learn... I grew up in that place and now I am ready for a better part of my life to start. I have a new job with a better position, I have my family on my side closer then I have had them in years and I couldn't be happier with it! I still have my struggles and battles to fight but I am going willing to put my game face on, because I believe in myself and that I CAN be what I want. So here I am letting go and pushing forward onto a illuminated path I feel to be right.
we were slowly getting closer to each other all night breaking the touch barrier... then after dinner we were hanging out and he figured out I was ticklish and so he kept slowly sneaking his hands to grab my knees and such..
then we locked eyes and his hand slowly slid up to my face and gently caressed my cheek.. then he pulled his face closer to mine, I was biting my bottom lip slightly as he got closer I was so nervous.. then he hovered his lips just inches away from mine and I could already taste his sweet cool breath.. then he pulled my face in and our lips locked, My whole body just went a bit limp while my
heart started to race so quickly thumping in my chest! He pulled away after about 30 seconds and smiled the most adorable smile I have ever seen... Then he pulled me back in to continue kissing me..... I felt fireworks going on all around me! it was amazing!
So its been an interesting few months to say the least and I am off to a whole new life as we speak! I have always had some crazy turns in my life that lead me to places i never anticipated I would go but now I couldn't imagine my life any other way then how it is...
I have had to learn the very hard way on who to trust and who to leave behind.. I have lost my family and gained them back on a whole new level as well. Most people who know me only know a piece of me and never really take the time to get to know the real me. My family for the first time in 21 years has actually come to terms with who I am and what I want, they may not always agree with me of course ha. I am who I am and I am not afraid to shout it out loud anymore either, this is me take me or leave me but either way I am stronger then I have ever been before!
You say that I'm messing with your head (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
All 'cause I was making out with your friends (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Love hurts whether it's right or wrong (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
I can't stop 'cause I'm having too much fun (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
You're on your knees
Begging please
Stay with me
But honestly
I just need to be a little crazy
All my life I've been good but now, woah, I'm thinking what the hell
All I want is to mess around and I don't really care about
If you love me, if you hate me, you can't save me, baby, baby
All my life I've been good but now, whoa, what the hell
What... what... what... What the hell?
So what if I go out on a million dates (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
You never call or listen to me anyway (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
I rather rage than sit around and wait all day (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Don't get me wrong. I just need some time to play-ay (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
You're on your knees
Begging please
Stay with me
But honestly
I just need to be a little crazy
All my life I've been good but now, I'm thinking what the hell
All I want is to mess around and I don't really care about
If you love me, if you hate me
You can't save me, baby, baby
All my life I've been good but now, whoa, what the hell
La la la la la la la la... Woah... Woah...
La la la la la la la la... Woah... Woah...
You say that I'm messing with your head
Boy, I like messing in your bed
Yeah, I am messing with your head
When I'm messing with you in bed
All my life I've been good but now, I'm thinking what the hell (what the hell)
All I want is to mess around and I don't really care about (I don't care about)
All my life I've been good but now, I'm thinking what the hell
All I want is to mess around and I don't really care about. (if you love me)
If you love me (no), if you hate me (no)
You can't save me, baby, baby (if you love me)
All my life I've been good but now, whoa, what the hell
La la, La la la la la la, La la, La la la la la la la
I have always had a thing for Michael Jackson but this song is beyond amazing to me and it hits home in a way that makes me love it even more........ Strong love!
This life don’t last forever (hold my hand)
So tell me what we’re waitin’ for (hold my hand)
Better off being together (hold my hand)
Than being miserable alone (hold my hand)
Cause I’ve been there before
And you’ve been there before
But together we can be alright
Cause when it gets dark and when it gets cold
We can just hold each other till we see the sunlight
So if you just hold my hand
Baby I promise that I’ll do all I can
Things will get better if you just hold my hand
Nothing can come in between us if you just hold, hold my, hold my, hold my hand
The nights are getting darker (hold my hand)
And there’s no peace inside (hold my hand)
So why make our lives harder (hold my hand)
By fighting love, tonight
Cause I’ve been there before
And you’ve been there before
But together we can be alright.
Cause when it gets dark and when it gets cold
We can just hold each other till we see the sunlight
So if you just hold my hand
Baby I promise that I’ll do all I can
Things will get better if you just hold my hand
Nothing can come in between us
If you just hold my hand
