Life is the greatest gift one could ever ask for, mine is one I wouldn't trade for anything.. I love who I am and who I have in my life...


Thursday, June 21, 2012

Starting to settle

My nerves have most definitely gone down and I am starting to be more comfortable with what is happening to me. I figured I need to keep up with my blog so that I can always look back and remember what i was going through when all this happened. So here goes!

It is official and doctor confirmed, there is a baby growing in my belly!! And none other then Zach Rossberg is the father :) We are both still very unsure about the whole thing and we don't really talk about it much, but he is being so supportive. I am having mood swings (My sister told me to remember that no matter what is going on its me with the problem and I will need to apologize) and crazy sickness. Most of the time its dry heaving that just wont stop but when I actually puke its awful.. Movies are such lies, being prego is not a glorious thing, its actually very yucky! I hope it gets better because if it stays this way I will be one unhappy person for the next 7 months!

So I am 7 weeks along! Due February 5, 2013.. My fingers are crossed that it is gonna be a little boy. I have actually thought of the most perfect name that I am completely in love with... Bentley Robert Rossberg.. I have yet to tell Zach this but he is gonna have to deal cause this child is popping out of me not him! Hahaha.. When it comes to girls names though I am completely clueless.... I don't even know where to start!! It will be a fail if I stay this stumped.

I broke the news to my parents and sister on fathers day.. wrote my dad a letter and he took it far better then I thought he would thankfully, my mother on the other hand is so concerned as of to when we are going to get married and all of that. I am in no rush to get married and I have my reasons, don't get me wrong I am in love with Zach and can not imagine being with anyone else for the rest of my life. But I do not want to force him to be with me, just because I am having his child does not mean he has to be with me. This happened and well we are going to deal with it. If he wants to be with me he will, if not life will go on.

I don't believe I have mentioned that Payton is also pregnant, so we get to suffer through this together and handle all of this craziness at the same time. its nice to have someone to talk to that is dealing with it and is so close. Keith hired us a trainer (Jay) so that we can stay healthy and also be able to be in great condition for when the child is born we will be able to shed all the baby weight very quickly. Which is at the top of my list because I want this body back right away! If my sister can be smaller after two kids so can I!! I want to be the mom that can keep up with my children running around the park and be back out doing all the sports things as soon as I can. I have realized that life is going to go on, this baby is not going to be the end of my fun. Its the start of new adventures honestly. I plan to raise this child to be an amazing individual and do something great with its life.

The only thing I have missing in my life right now is my best friend.. I'm not sure what is going on right now and why we seem to be drifting apart... I worry that she feels that because I am having a child I will be gone for good and I don't believe that to be the case. I want to still get out and enjoy life and have friends. I don't plan on leaving my child randomly at the parents house and going out to clubs and partying all night but I am with Zach, not much is going to change. Except for the fact that now I am going to want to go out even more.. The zoo, the park, the Aquarium, pumpkin patches, Gardner Village, Saturday market, Thanksgiving Point, Disney Land.. I could go on forever about the things I plan on doing with my baby and its god mother, my best friend. I want her there for it all, every last bit of it..

Friday, June 1, 2012

My Emotions

Its all slightly fuzzy already in my head and its only been a few hours. So here are a few details so I will never forget no matter what my choice is. The past few days I have been in so much pain thinking that my period is going to start or that I was having appendicitis.. Well today June 1st, 2012 I decided to take a lunch and grab a test to make sure that wasn't the reason for the pain before I ran up a high bill at the doctors over nothing... Well it turns out this is something, today I peed on a stick and within 5 seconds it showed pregnant.. Tears and more tears were all that was coming out of me. Just straight fear for what my future holds and how hard it is going to be no matter what choice I make. The hardest part about all of it is not knowing if Zach is ready for this or can even handle it. I fear he doesn't love me the way I want him to and I am only going to make things worse for his life by having a child. I love Zach and i couldn't imagine having a baby with any body else but this is not what I am ready for.. the first person to know about this was my best friend Morgan. As I shook uncontrollably I slowly typed out that I was pregnant.. Then my boss walked into my office and I burst into more tears.... then Keith... all of them being so supportive for me and making me know that I will be OK... But the worst part is yet to come... Telling Zach... Wish me luck, I'm going to need it...