Year 22..

Glitz & Glam were the ideals of the night, finally here I could barely breath with all of my excitment.. Its hard for me to believe now that I had dreaded my birthday for months and not because of my age but because what my birthday has always represented to me in my older years. I assumed this would just be another year of let down and going on as if I was just another face in the crowd, but it was nothing like that.

This year for my birthday we pulled out all the stops. I don't like being in a relationship for my birthday I like to be free and not have a care in the world and this year wasn't any different except for the fact I found love, real love.

As the days grew closer things just started to fall into place, tickets came to the event I so despretaly wanted to be at, a limo to get my faveys there and back became avaible.. What I wanted to wear was the most perfect and easy find.. It was basically perfect.

I got ready for the evening with the beautiful Payton & Morgan, we curled & crimped and caked our faces up! Our outfits were scandioulusly perfect but not over the top. I wore a very tight purple corset and silky black shorts that stayed on by a pair of suspenders that I fell in love with! knee high flat suade boots that allowed me to dance and run to my hearts content and tights with a sexy design to add that little extra to my look. Payton worked my hair to be wavey and fun with feathers random placed around my face, I was so excited I could barley sit still!

SHOTS. SHOTS. SHOTS. and plenty of them! Off to the limo to have our own mini party and drink more! Skrillex was to die for! I was everywhere the whole night, seeing people who I havent in far to long but always coming back to his side where I felt the happiest.. Everyone managed to survive, despite losing the offroading limo, and make it back in where the after party began and where I recieved the best birthday girl I ever could have asked for..... Apparently my eyes had been saying it for days but my heart wouldnt allow my lips to speak it, so he did.. at that moments everything around me went silent and all I could feel was the heat, it felt so good and so right that I completely forgot to breath. eyes locked in as I attempted to catch up to my racing heart and allowed myself to say it back.. Since that moment I have known what its like to touch your wildest dreams.. I still have yet to catch the beat of my heart espically when he is near, this feeling is what I want to feel for the rest of my life..

Best 22nd birthday a girl could ask for.

4 Months Later...

Life is a baffling experience and it tends to leave me wondering what if... Even if I am happy with the current state of my life I still wonder that.

I have known him for years and always had an interest in him and what it would be like to be "with him" but never did I think it could happen. First time I met him I was on his grounds, visiting a friend who lived with him and only for the weekend. We developed a friendship and talked all of the time, always stayed close but never actually saw each other. Invites were always passed to one another but never followed through... Then one day it just happened, he sparked the idea to go camping and I jumped on it. Nothing holding me back from following something I always had a curious thought to.....

I have no regrets to that choice, it has made me happier then I even imagined it would and has started me thinking about all the possibilities that could come from being with him. I have been against a family life for years and now that's what I want. I blame him for all the smiles and giggles and joyful memories that have happened over the past few months and I can not wait to see what else is in store for us....

Im stronger..

I was put here to be someone, to make everyday something to remember. I am not average, I am not typical, I am not boring. I came to win, survive, prosper, survive, rise, win..... I love with everything I have been given and will never regret my choices. My life is filled with people who want to be near me and accept me for who I am and what I stand for. I stand on tables when I am strong, fall to my knees when I need to be lifted up.. But I will never give up, I will never give in.. My soul is filled with a fearless strength and endless possibilities.. I have found love and I never want to let it go, I will fight for it everyday for the rest of my life...

I am me.

Cowboy Boots & Beer

Swirls of dust in the air just cant seem to settle as people tramble along the well worn paths of the fair park in the warm late summer breeze.. Smells of pigs & chickens fill your nose as you first approach the grounds to start your adventure to see just what came to town this year... Cows, Goats, & Geese are among the animals you get to not only see, but unpleasantly smell, and possibly even touch..

Morgan and I spent a wonderful evening getting our fix of some good ole state provided fun this past week.. We drank good beer, avoided the creepy carneys, ate delish food, and rode a few rides... This was a great time that I fully enjoyed.. I look forward to going to the Utah State County Fair every year and I was so hapy for the priledge to take Miss Morgan to her very first one!! What a day to remember :)

Some times it hurts instead.....

Busy Daze..

Time just keeps on ticking..... That's the sound I used to hear daily as I waited so impatiently for the day to end so I could escape the path of adulthood and leave to regain my childish play. Those days were dreadful as I made them seem at least, but in all reality they were nothing close to that, infect they were just the opposite..

I found myself on a path to a career I didn't actually believe was possible, I had only dreamed of such a life that I hadn't even realized I had begun.. I was learning and growing in ways I didn't even fathom possible.. I was being shown the ropes of the industry and paving a path to point me in the direction I had thought to be deceitful and shady like the phase "we hustle people for their hopes and dreams".. That was far from what I wanted, or at least I had though.. Life lead me in a direction that was scary and hard and many tears have been shed over it, but now I stand in an office I can call my own. A door with my name on it. A staff who looks to me for direction. I am the tie that holds every unit of the company together, and I built it on my own.. Granted I was given the tools and people to get the ball rolling.. But I did it, bit and piece at a time I did it.. I feel so accomplished and proud of myself because for the first time in my life I know that what I am doing is right and that I can be who I want to be and make everything work.. My life's journey has lead me here, as well as some amazing souls who despite flaws in ethics they gave me this knowledge to do this. There are two women in this industry that with out them and their resilience and effort I would not stand where I do today.. So thank you ladies I will never forget either of you..

My life is filled with joy and bliss of all that surrounds me, my only sadness is the lack of your presence to enjoy this with...

Fine wine

My Sunday evening has finally rolled in after a long few days of one big emotional roller coaster in my life.. I laughed, cried, learned, and followed.. I watched a lot of football as the season continues to bustle along. I spent time with my best friend and got to show her what my life was like not so long ago.. In fact it felt wonderful to be there again, to just enjoy my surroundings and not giving a care in the world because I was surrounded by the people who appeared to be loved ones.. It was fantastically exhausting and well worth it!

Till I came back into realization and knew just how cruel the world can be.. Heart break and tears haunt the lives of those you seek love in all the wrong ways..

Life should be summed up by how many times we laughed and learned and not by the trials we suffer, those should be learned from but let the pain go and enjoy the little things, such as a good glass of red wine and a good football game with the one who does care...