Zoo Days!

So far this summer I have taken Knox to the Zoo several times and they have all been wonderful! I have taken so many photos and I keep meaning to post them and this morning just seemed like the perfect time to do it. So prepare yourself for a load of Zoo loving selfies :)

Be the change you wish to see

Sometimes in life you think that you are truly happy and then other times you feel as if you have hit rock bottom and you cant take anymore. I feel as if I have this struggle on a daily basis, I try so hard to only see the good in my life and be so happy but it is only ever short lived before the glass break and I'm in tears again. If I look back 5 years ago this is not the life I imagined I would be living. Its not that this is a bad life by no means, I have my amazing son that I wouldn't trade for anything and I have been so blessed with everything I have been given. But on the same hand I used to be so independent and had full control of my life, this I no longer have. My everyday life from where I work, what I drive, even to what I eat is dictated to fit Zach's life. I would never say that this is a bad thing because when you chose to be with someone for the rest of your life you share everything and combine your lives... Except for the fact that I feel like I have lost my life. I am no longer the carefree & happy girl I used to be. I am finding myself to be bitter and snappy at every little thing and I take anger out on Zach for just about everything. I have become a very cruel, unhappy, person.. That is not what or who I want to be. In my head I dream of the way things could be in my life and how had I done something different everything would be so much better. By doing that it has only made me more upset with my daily life. Change is so hard though, I wish I could find the courage to make something happen but then I never follow through. Its as if I'm afraid of what I can do. I know I can be a better and happier person but finding the courage to make it happen is harder then I could ever imagine. I don't want to put on that happy face and go on anymore but for the sake of my beautiful son I need to. But I do refuse to spend the rest of my life going on in misery. Its time to make a plan and change.. I believe I will be ok so long as I put myself together and stay strong. Here starts the new me. I am going to be that change I wish to see and no more holding back..

When The Bee Stings...

We had our fist encounter with Knox and Bees last Thursday evening. For new parents I am pretty sure that we handled it well, at least I think so.. (There was a bit of Googling involved ha). But thank fully he is not allergic. Phew!!!

Zach and his good friend Christian were on our back patio talking and playing with Fireworks while Knox was able to enjoy some guy time before it was bed time. He was running around laughing and enjoying himself when he wondered up to our patio furniture to smack his hands down on the the coffee table when suddenly several  hornets began to fly out from under it. Before Zach could do anything about it, Knox had one on his forehead where he instantly cupped it with both hands. The tears & screams in pain flowed out instantly! The poor little guy thankfully is not allergic and with the magical help of doTERRA I was able to get the swelling down very quickly. He is my tough little guy and I am so proud of him for surviving his first bee encounter so well. Love that little man.

Lake Side Lessons

As most everyone who knows me well knows that I am hardly is ever in town. Every chance Zach and I get we are either lake side, the cabin in Montana, or in the desert. I used to take that for granted how many fun oportunities that Zach is able to give me but the past couple of months I have really started to appreciate it. I love being able to get away and just enjoy true family time with him and play with my son in the great outdoors.

This past weekend we went to Yuba lake her in Utah and brought along a few friends. During this time I was able to get to know my new friend Chelsea a bit more on the personal friend side and Im really enjoying having her as a friend. She is a great person and is teaching me that I can still have so much fun and be free spirited with out being under the influence. She has had a really rough few months and she is not letting that bring her down in the least. She has such an adventurous and beautiful soul that is hard not to want to be around her. There is so much goodness about her that you know where ever she lands in life she is going to do amazing or in my own words amazeballs :)  I also got the opportunity to repair my friendship with Vanessa. She is also a great person and I am sad that over this past year we missed out on so much together because of the judgement I held against her when I my reasoning in doing so was pointless and almost cruel. She is a very delightful person and spending time with her, Ruben, and their son is actually very nice. They have such high goals and the true drive to have things in life and not just piss away the chances they have to better their lives. This is rare to find in people these days and its nice to know that there is a couple out there that both Zach and I enjoy being around. I look forward to watching my friendships with both Chelsea and Vanessa grow as we spend more time together learning from each other and enjoying the great qualities we all share.

Lake side fun is always nice and relaxing but this trip was so different. It gave me the opportunity to see that you shouldn't have to force a friendship that it should come naturally and those who want to be in your life will be there and make great memories. Those who take you for granted will only be there when it benefits them and that's about it. Loyalty to me is one of the most important qualities a person can have, some times it can get lost along the road with out realizing it but there is always room for a second chance.

There were also some other personal high lights about being on the lake. My wake boarding skills are getting better but I swear I need to duct tape my hands to the rope because I freak out and let go. FAIL! ha. And for the first time I truly tried to wake surf and started from the water and got right up! My original reason why I was even out there on the surf board was to 'body surf' as a joke which was actually a lot of fun so I figured hell why not try the surf from the water. SO MUCH easier and was actually a lot of fun. Proud moment in life :) We also had some scary moments of the close encounters with the fishies! They were everywhere and jumping like crazy! Zach took myself, Chelsea, Vanessa, and the two babies over to a cove to just float and jump in the water which was wonderful until we started touching things in the water and that was no longer ok haha. We would float with our legs up and our feet as far out of the water as we could get, pretty sure we looked a bit like we were going into labor. But it was truly a fun time. We took some GoPro video that we are going to try and make into one quick film with all of our clips, I will post it as soon as I can but until then here are some photos that high light our trip. 


I love my weekend life with Zach and our cute family!

Living For The Moments

Lately I have been evaluating my life and learning what needs to be important to me and what does not. It saddens me that as I come closer to my 25th year of life that I have spent so much of my life worried about others feeling and opinions that should have never mattered. I am a very loyal person and I will do everything I can for the people who I feel are like family to me, but as I look back I can see how little my feelings have meant to them. I have given so much out into this world wanting to impress all the wrong people. The only people I should ever feel that I need to give all this energy to is Zach, Knox, and my family. They are the only ones that have always been there for me and have loved me unconditionally.

The moments in life that these people have given to me have been wonderful. They have all taught me something and shown me the better side of life. Partying, drinking, and waking up the next day feeling regretful has wasted to much of my life already and I am proud to say that I no longer suffer from that disease (With maybe a rare incident but nothing bad to wake up to). My father taught me to love the outdoors and enjoy everything that nature has to offer and I am very blessed to have found Zach who is on the same page. He would rather take our family out in the desert or on the lake to appreciate natures beauty instead of stay home and get wasted. He believes in taking advantage of all the wonderful things he has been able to buy and actually use them instead of just having them sit in the garage collecting dust. Why not spend money on gas to have fun and remember instead of spending money on nasty alcohol and look trampy in photos? I will always go with the first.

Life is full of just a bunch of moments that are grouped together. I am proud to say that as I am getting older and my family is getting closer I am loving the life I lead. It is giving me memories that I can share with my best friend and enjoy for the rest of my life.

I Choose You..

Everything in life leads to things we may never have planned to have happen. I have first hand knowledge of this because my life is full of those moments but they have all lead me to exactly where I want to be in life. I have a great man in my life that I never imagined I would fall in love with but I am so grateful that I have. Every day we grow stronger in love and understand what makes our relationship work. I have always found myself worrying that I am not good enough for him and that he is going to leave me because of all the voices I hear and the examples of others that have been shown. Thankfully I have come to realize just how wrong I am in feeling that way and every day he proves it to me. We still have our ups and our downs but the love that Zach gives to me is unconditional in every way, he is not afraid to tell me when I am in the wrong and how to fix it but he will still hold me close and wipe away my tears.

I can be such a fool about life and the choices that I make but Zach is always there at the end of the day. He makes me a better person.


I could go on for days but I will keep my little love burst short and sweet. I am so glad he chose me!

Where Has April Gone!

I can not believe how fast the past month has just flown by! It was one of the craziest months Zach and I have ever had together. But we managed to stay strong together and fight through it and we are now starting off May on a good foot!

Just as a brief catch up on what has happened I will start back on April 1st. It was a pretty rough day and I was not in the best of moods, I stayed longer at work and didn't make it to the gym. I was just straight a grumpy person and wasn't being very nice to Zach which didn't make him very happy with me to say the least. Well we went to bed on a rough note and I woke up the next day thinking it was going to be a fresh start and we would move past yesterdays drama.. Well we did but not in a way I figured it would happen....

I will never forget the feeling I had when Zach came into the bedroom doe eyed and a bit frazzled to question me on where my F150 truck was. I was so confused at first as of to why he would be asking me this and I responded telling him it was in the garage, as if to say where the hell else would it be? His look on his face was suddenly even worse when he stated that it was not in there.... I remember rushing to the garage to find the door open and the truck gone..... My heart sunk instantly and I felt as if I could see the truck there but it just wasn't. Zach looked at me and questioned if the truck was stolen, I responded bluntly saying OBVIOUSLY! We instantly started coming up with explanations as of to where the truck might be and who could have taken it. Considering the day before was April fools we were hoping it was just a joke and the only person we could think of that would play such an elaborate prank would be Keith, Zach's dad. So while he called him I ran out the diesel truck in the drive way to see if the garage door opener was in there instead of the jeep which it usually was. As I came up to the truck I froze in instant fear.. the automatic step that comes out when the door is opened was still extended.. I knew right then at something was seriously wrong and that this was not a prank... As I opened the door it only got worse, the truck had been ransacked and every compartment was open and papers we scattered. This was not just a harmless prank, we had been robbed... Our home had been entered and our possessions were taken. When I came back into the house Zach was on the same page I was and was already calling the police. I then realized that my purse was in the truck and everything I had was taken with it... I started pulling up my transactions to find that my cards were being used at a gas station.. I was so angry that someone could do this to us, I was in shock and so angry that first day. Then as time has progressed I have become just upset, it really tests your relationship when something is awful happens. Zach and I knew our only option was to keep moving forward and do what we needed to get back on track. We stayed strong together and made our home as safe as we could. This test has brought us closer as a family and made me appreciate having him so much more.

My truck will have been gone a month tomorrow and we know that the likely hood of ever getting it or our belongings back are slim to none at this point. Its still sad but from this we are grateful that they did not enter into our home and harm us and its only money at this point that was taken. I just have to remember its the little things in life that matter and help us overcome our challenges.

So as we move into May I am happy to report that life is still a bit stressful but we are happier than ever. I love Zach with my whole heart and we have such an amazing relationship with each other. We understand and appreciate each other which makes everything so worth it. I may make him want to smother me with a pillow at times (Ha oops!) but I know he still cares so much about me. We have grown into a great couple and good parents together, we still have a long road ahead together, but judging by our past we are going to be ok. I am with him till the end no matter what. So this post has turned into a love rant about Zach instead of details about April, but I am pretty sure that my stolen truck story pretty much covers it all. With the exception of Easter which I will post later with great photos and how I made the cutest Easter baskets (Yay me!)