I belong with you..

Some times you here a song and it just hits you in all the right ways. I have a deep love for music and I tend to relate to so many songs that just take place in my life. There is one song by the Lumineers called 'Ho Hey' that just gets me every time. Its about finding that one you love and making them yours. I know most people take this song about finding their significant other and loving them but to me I take it in a different way. This song makes me think of my son and just how much I love him, I could not imagine not having him with me. I have been through so many trials in my life and this little boy was meant to be mine... I know that sounds so cheesy and motherly of me but all my life I have been waiting for that one person who would make me feel true love and want to be a better person. My son is that person. With out his beautiful soul I would be so lost in this world, when he looks at me I know that I can overcome anything because I have him by my side. He belongs with me.

Belated Easter Fun

Oh the joys of Easter and all its goodness spent in the desert! This past year was the first East that Knox actually got to go on an egg hunt and appreciate the joys of an Easter basket. I had so much fun getting everything put together and set up for him and Zach to enjoy. I realized that I never posted anything and I took some pretty adorable photos so here they are :) Enjoy!

Zoo Days!

So far this summer I have taken Knox to the Zoo several times and they have all been wonderful! I have taken so many photos and I keep meaning to post them and this morning just seemed like the perfect time to do it. So prepare yourself for a load of Zoo loving selfies :)

Be the change you wish to see

Sometimes in life you think that you are truly happy and then other times you feel as if you have hit rock bottom and you cant take anymore. I feel as if I have this struggle on a daily basis, I try so hard to only see the good in my life and be so happy but it is only ever short lived before the glass break and I'm in tears again. If I look back 5 years ago this is not the life I imagined I would be living. Its not that this is a bad life by no means, I have my amazing son that I wouldn't trade for anything and I have been so blessed with everything I have been given. But on the same hand I used to be so independent and had full control of my life, this I no longer have. My everyday life from where I work, what I drive, even to what I eat is dictated to fit Zach's life. I would never say that this is a bad thing because when you chose to be with someone for the rest of your life you share everything and combine your lives... Except for the fact that I feel like I have lost my life. I am no longer the carefree & happy girl I used to be. I am finding myself to be bitter and snappy at every little thing and I take anger out on Zach for just about everything. I have become a very cruel, unhappy, person.. That is not what or who I want to be. In my head I dream of the way things could be in my life and how had I done something different everything would be so much better. By doing that it has only made me more upset with my daily life. Change is so hard though, I wish I could find the courage to make something happen but then I never follow through. Its as if I'm afraid of what I can do. I know I can be a better and happier person but finding the courage to make it happen is harder then I could ever imagine. I don't want to put on that happy face and go on anymore but for the sake of my beautiful son I need to. But I do refuse to spend the rest of my life going on in misery. Its time to make a plan and change.. I believe I will be ok so long as I put myself together and stay strong. Here starts the new me. I am going to be that change I wish to see and no more holding back..

When The Bee Stings...

We had our fist encounter with Knox and Bees last Thursday evening. For new parents I am pretty sure that we handled it well, at least I think so.. (There was a bit of Googling involved ha). But thank fully he is not allergic. Phew!!!

Zach and his good friend Christian were on our back patio talking and playing with Fireworks while Knox was able to enjoy some guy time before it was bed time. He was running around laughing and enjoying himself when he wondered up to our patio furniture to smack his hands down on the the coffee table when suddenly several  hornets began to fly out from under it. Before Zach could do anything about it, Knox had one on his forehead where he instantly cupped it with both hands. The tears & screams in pain flowed out instantly! The poor little guy thankfully is not allergic and with the magical help of doTERRA I was able to get the swelling down very quickly. He is my tough little guy and I am so proud of him for surviving his first bee encounter so well. Love that little man.

Lake Side Lessons

As most everyone who knows me well knows that I am hardly is ever in town. Every chance Zach and I get we are either lake side, the cabin in Montana, or in the desert. I used to take that for granted how many fun oportunities that Zach is able to give me but the past couple of months I have really started to appreciate it. I love being able to get away and just enjoy true family time with him and play with my son in the great outdoors.

This past weekend we went to Yuba lake her in Utah and brought along a few friends. During this time I was able to get to know my new friend Chelsea a bit more on the personal friend side and Im really enjoying having her as a friend. She is a great person and is teaching me that I can still have so much fun and be free spirited with out being under the influence. She has had a really rough few months and she is not letting that bring her down in the least. She has such an adventurous and beautiful soul that is hard not to want to be around her. There is so much goodness about her that you know where ever she lands in life she is going to do amazing or in my own words amazeballs :)  I also got the opportunity to repair my friendship with Vanessa. She is also a great person and I am sad that over this past year we missed out on so much together because of the judgement I held against her when I my reasoning in doing so was pointless and almost cruel. She is a very delightful person and spending time with her, Ruben, and their son is actually very nice. They have such high goals and the true drive to have things in life and not just piss away the chances they have to better their lives. This is rare to find in people these days and its nice to know that there is a couple out there that both Zach and I enjoy being around. I look forward to watching my friendships with both Chelsea and Vanessa grow as we spend more time together learning from each other and enjoying the great qualities we all share.

Lake side fun is always nice and relaxing but this trip was so different. It gave me the opportunity to see that you shouldn't have to force a friendship that it should come naturally and those who want to be in your life will be there and make great memories. Those who take you for granted will only be there when it benefits them and that's about it. Loyalty to me is one of the most important qualities a person can have, some times it can get lost along the road with out realizing it but there is always room for a second chance.

There were also some other personal high lights about being on the lake. My wake boarding skills are getting better but I swear I need to duct tape my hands to the rope because I freak out and let go. FAIL! ha. And for the first time I truly tried to wake surf and started from the water and got right up! My original reason why I was even out there on the surf board was to 'body surf' as a joke which was actually a lot of fun so I figured hell why not try the surf from the water. SO MUCH easier and was actually a lot of fun. Proud moment in life :) We also had some scary moments of the close encounters with the fishies! They were everywhere and jumping like crazy! Zach took myself, Chelsea, Vanessa, and the two babies over to a cove to just float and jump in the water which was wonderful until we started touching things in the water and that was no longer ok haha. We would float with our legs up and our feet as far out of the water as we could get, pretty sure we looked a bit like we were going into labor. But it was truly a fun time. We took some GoPro video that we are going to try and make into one quick film with all of our clips, I will post it as soon as I can but until then here are some photos that high light our trip. 


I love my weekend life with Zach and our cute family!